The Guest List

Traditionally, the guest list would be decided by the bride's parents, in consultation with the groom's parents; nowadays, it is more common for the couple to devise their guest list, in consultation with their parents.

In any event, the bride's parents (or whoever is acting as hosts) should make the final decision as to numbers to be invited - at least as far as the reception is concerned, as they should have an idea of how many guests they can afford to cater for.

It is reasonable to assume that both the bride and the bridegroom - and their parents - will wish to invite similar numbers from amongst their own relatives and friends, and giving each group a third of the guest list to choose is often the fairest way of dealing with things.

When compiling the guest list don't forget to add the name of the celebrant and their partner, as it is always courteous to ask them along. More importantly - don't forget to add yourself to the list!

If you have either limited space or budget, you can always invite any extra people to the evening reception only. Although in years past people may have taken offence at not being invited to the ceremony, invites to the evening reception only are becoming more and more popular, and most people are happy to join in the celebrations at any point of the day.

Often, the fairest way of dealing with guest lists is to split it into thirds, and give a third of the numbers to the bride's parents, another third to the groom's parents, and the final third to the couple themselves.

Weddings Without Children

Whilst some people are of the opinion that the presence of children make a wedding, others, quite firmly are not. If you've decided not to invite children to your wedding, you must let any guests with babies or children know well in advance so that they can make any necessary arrangements. This can be a difficult and embarrassing thing to explain, especially to those parents who simply can't imagine why you wouldn't want their adorable (screaming) baby at your ceremony. Having said that, many parents will be quite glad of the opportunity for the day off, and the chance to enjoy the wedding without having to keep an eye on their offspring.

You may want to speak to the parents involved before the invitations go out, and explain tactfully why children aren't invited; maybe because the venue won't allow it or that space and budgeting restraints mean that you simply can't afford to invite them. You may go on to say that it would be unfair to allow some children to attend, and not others. Beware though - it may be hard to explain this reasoning if you then proceed to have a whole retinue of pageboys and flower girls on the day.

If you can't bear to approach the parents in person, you could include some instructions with the invitations, such as "We are sorry that we are unable to invite babies and children to the wedding", which should make the situation clear, in a...

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